Things are more or less back to normal

Thanks ...

Monica Collins (from mobile)

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From: Monica 
Date: Jan 25, 2012 1:26 PM
Subject: Re: Easter
To: Tracey

I understand.  It came to me at Aunt Velma's funeral, watching Larry's daughter walking away from the casket and wiping away (ok, a chain of thoughts later, maybe 20 minutes) that for the past two years we've never acknowledged Mirtice Sands and I had wanted to make sure we did this coming xmas.  

Thanks ...

Monica Collins (from mobile)

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On Jan 25, 2012 12:39 PM, Tracey wrote: 

And you're right by the end of the day on Xmas day I was very tired and maybe my tiredness showed up as irritation. You also recall that it is the anniversary of my mother's death so I was having mixed emotions and probably will have for every Xmas from here on in.

Sent from my iPad

On Jan 25, 2012, at 7:55 AM, Monica wrote:

I did not think that you were bashing, not at all.

Jamila explained about the shoulder, so I understand that and apologize.  I went by what you have said, and yes I would have known that if I were around more.  You may not have been 'angry' however your manner said irritation.  I was 'angry' because I had thought you were mad that I took as much as I did.  However, you never said exactly what you were irritated about so I could only assume.  So that was blown out of proportion due to misunderstandings on both of our parts.  I'm sorry for my part.  If my question had been which part would you have liked before I started, things probably have gone better. (present).  

I can understand about the mixed signals.  I often don't want to say what I'm really thinking, or can't think of something 'appropriate' to say.   Or sometimes I have nothing to say however to say something (on-going).

I haven't gone 'way over the top' on Christmas gifts in years. (past).

I also have not worked on too many xmas presents til xmas day in awhile as well. I hoped that I apologized for holding up dinner. (past).

I have figured out that you don't like things I pick out for you, which is why you now get gift cards. (on-going).

I have started taekwondo classes from someone here and work and when my back income tax is paid off, I will be going back to dance class. (present)

The rebuttal I supposedly said about drinking sounds like something Jamila would say, however if you say I said it, I will take your word for it.  None of my cars were trashed due to drinking.  A torn up transmission and pulled knee ligaments was. (past)

When I mentioned infractions, I was referring to my mis-actions, not my conversation.  Yes, I have a habit of joking, however not as much as in years past IMO.  I don't always answer questions because it either takes me a moment to pull up the info, or I choose not to answer and have to quickly come up with an appropriate response.  (on-going).

Your concern for where and how I live and dress is noted.  I haven't worn a short skirt since I gained weight, more than half a decade ago. (in-going)

I was not surprised about the price of the ham.  When I am asked to bring something, I gladly bring it.  If you would rather I donate money instead, I can do that to; I was referring to being broke previously.  (on-going)

Thanks ...

Monica Collins (from mobile)

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On Jan 25, 2012 5:57 AM, Tracey wrote:

Monica,

I had to take some time to digest this message from you.  Whether you know it or not, you give off mixed signals.  You say one thing but mean another.  I don't like to play who shot John, but I am going to in this instance.  It was you who was angry with me, not the other way around.

 

No, you're no good at picking up subtle hints and you say you have to be told something straight up but when we do, you get upset about it.  Case in point – spending too much on Xmas presents.  You go way over the top, generally on things that people don't need, so I asked you not to do that anymore.  As for spending too much time on making presents, you used to be working on finishing up Xmas presents on Xmas day.  One time you even made yourself late trying to finish something, and trust me, no one loved you any more for doing so but we were annoyed with you for holding up dinner.

 

Self control.  Monica, most people struggle with self control.  If you don't mind being 50 lbs over weight, then that's your issue.  My issue with it is that you are setting yourself up for diabetes.  It runs in my family and the more overweight you are the more likely you are to develop it but if you don't mind injecting yourself with a needle 3 to 6 times a day for the rest of your life, then just keep right on overeating.  Just know that if you do develop diabetes, you have no one to care for you since, you will be in a nursing home by yourself, and baby that ain't pretty.  So my advice is to go back to belly dance lessons or something and get the weight down.

 

Arguments – well if you would stop trying to make a joke out of everything that comes out of your mouth and just talk naturally, maybe you would not make so many gaffs.  And for heaven sake, stop throwing up the past everything I say something.  If I say, do you really need to take that 3^rd drink before getting on the road, you throw back at me, "you drink".  Yes, I drink but somehow I have managed to learn how to keep the car on the road when I drink, something your history has shown that you have had trouble doing.

 

Living in the ghetto – MOVE.  You deserve something better than that.  I did not raise you in the ghetto and it breaks my heart to see you living there.  And for God's sake get rid of some of those cats.  1) You're breaking the law.  The limit is 3 dogs or cats in apartments and 2) it makes your home unattractive and makes others not want to come visit you which means you could never host a Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner.

 

Speaking of which, do you have any idea how much Sharon and I usually spend on holiday meals?  We don't complain because we like to get the family together but it runs well over $100 and that's not with liquor.  And why are you broke anyway.  You make somewhere around $100K per year.  You need to figure out what you're spending your money on and stop wasting it on useless junk.  It's one thing to be a collector but quite another to be a hoarder.  Back to the holiday meals.  I think this is about the only year we asked anyone to bring anything.  You chose to bring the ham.  Shocked at the price were you?  We that's what I spend on one each year and have been doing it for years.  It's time for you and Jamila to share the load now that I'm not working anymore.  And just to set the record straight, I wasn't complaining about how much ham you took, only that you left me the portion that I could not do anything with.  I have had 3 rotator cuff surgeries and just because I don't walk around with my arm in a sling all the time it doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt.  I cannot perform any time of repetitive motions like sawing, or cutting, or sweeping or vacuuming that does not cause pain.  I also cannot do over head work like hanging pictures or lightbulbs (thankfully Jamila volunteers to do that for me and before the PACE party that I had here in December, replaced about 6 burned out bulbs for me. 

 

I could go on and on but you would only say that I'm bashing you when actually what I am doing is trying to show you that no, you do get subtle – like realizing that you are not 25 so stop trying to dress that way.  I'm not saying you should dress like a frump, but low cut dresses at work, and skirts up to your butt is something 20

 

From: Monica

Sent: Thursday, January 19, 2012 6:49 PM
To: Tracey
Subject: Easter

 

Since you think that we are still 'arguing', I will go ahead and say this now.

I will probably be skipping Easter.  I need a break.  As it is, I already hate the holidays to begin with.  Between worrying about whether my mother is going to get upset over something and my worrying about committing some infraction, I just need a mental rest.  One year I hear that I should not have spent so much on presents.  Another year I hear that I shouldn't put so much time and effort into making presents.  Or I hear that I didn't bring anything for dinner (even though it was when I was broke).  This year I hear that I take too much food.  I guess that everyone forgets that I've taken BP meds since I was eight and one of the side effects is that I eat and crave food a lot.  It so happens that honey ham and dressing are among my big craves, so yes, I wind up eating a lot of it.  Sorry about that.  And, unfortunately, due to my mania, I lag a bit behind on self-control, thinking of others ahead of myself and reading subtle messages.  Sorry about that as well.  (And for future reference, please just state whatever it is you would like to tell me instead trying to impart a 'subtle' message.  I also tell that to others.).   As I said before, I believe that some of the things that get brought up during these 'conversations' are from the past, and not the present.  

I don't ask for your acceptance of the facts, just your understanding of them.

"We must take things as we find them, and not as we wish them to be." -- Napoléon Bonaparte
 

Thanks ...

Monica Collins (from mobile)