I don't have the same interest in this anymore

I really don’t see how linears pretend to such dedicated interest all of the time.  I am really tired of hearing about all of the stem cell stuff.  Really.  Most especially since I don’t think it will do all that much to improve his health, not like he thinks it will.  $12,000 for very, very little.  And on top of all of that, another year gone as we wait until I can get another loan from my 401k.  As much as he hates this fact, my consensus is one of two things: either he has got his homebrewed treatment going well enough that he is sufficiently well enough to get by in the world, or that his kidneys are so shot that he will have no recourse but to go on dialysis.  The way that he’s been talking about the state of his kidneys lately, I’m seriously betting on the latter.

 

He wants so much from the world, however it seems to me that every step he has taken has been so against the way that everyone else does things, and he then wonders why he is not farther along.  The entire world cannot be against you.  If you are seeing the same pattern against yourself over and over and over, you have to take some of the blame for things being as they are.

 

Oh, and my being extremely tired of being broke all of the time greatly contributes to all of this.  This has turned into an arranged marriage of sorts.  If he had not needed a place to stay right after we met, I’m sure that we would not have continued to see each other.  We are nothing alike and hardly ever see things the same way.  We love each other because we have spent nearly a decade together.  There was never ‘in love’.  And, to add insult to injury, I don’t even get the usual ‘chick’ niceties, like getting kissed. 

 

I’m just very, very tired of this.  Yes, I’m being selfish because I am getting very little out of this and I really don’t care who knows it.  This might be somewhat tolerable if I had someone on the side, however I don’t even have that.  I don’t want the two guys at work that want to hang out with me, cuz they only have one objective and are not even willing to work for it.  The guy that I did have an interest in proposed to a 23-year-old idiot that is only interested in drinking, partying, never working and being taken of.  For some absurd reason, he seems to find that sexy, yet the entire time I’ve known about her, he has done nothing but complain about how she’s only using him and giving nothing return.  Sheer stupidity.

 

I really am tired of dealing with guys right now.